It's been a good first training block this year. I've taken the occasion to finish it off with a tough Saturday. That evening I had a great evening out with my girl friend. We ate at a fancy restaurant and talked a lot. This feels so great. Taking off, getting some distance to job and sport. Trusting the quality, the progress in shape and have the easiness to let go.
Same on Sunday, after sleeping in, we had an easy morning. We then went out - it was pooring and winding pretty badly - for a walk and deserved a 2 hours' sauna session. That was sooooo relaxing. I got me drowzy still today.
Today was another day off and so I'm ready for entering the next training phase. I do realize that I like the structured way my life works. The hours at the office, the commitment to the sport...everything has its place. Sometimes I fall back to older patterns. Browsing on the web all kinds of "pro bullshit stuff". Well, it's a glamouros world...shiny stuff, sophisticated gossip and the rest's just trash talk.
Hm, maybe the hardest part was letting go, not taking part (remember that line from a Coldplay song...). I recognized that the quest for peak performance wasn't enough to me. I missed the mind's edge. Training day in and day out is cool to a certain extent, but there's g0t to be more! I have the discipline, the seriousness and the guts of a pro....but I expect more of my life. Travelling the world, trailing the summer and meeting all kinds of people sounds very sweet, but it's a hollow thing and the core is still hard work.
I don't know... I proved (above all to myself) that I could dig that deep, that I could live as a pro, but it wasn't enough. I need more. I need to show all my skills, not only the physical ones.
That said, I'm not judging at all anybody doing pro sports! It's just not quite MY thing.
With the 2007 season I try to CELEBRATE a gigantic final of over a decade of endurance race action. There are fancy highlights, I'd like to attend on my triathlon farewell tour. We'll see how I'll catch it.
All I can say from here is: There is huge desire to have that kick again, to show my guts and proof that even a high profile job won't keep me from improving. That done will allow me to let go and take a slight easier pace for instance.
Settle down, get away from the pro's edge and leave it to those, wanting to do it, just it and nothing else!
Keep it up!
Dani
No comments:
Post a Comment